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Massage and Trust

Do you know the intent of your massage therapist? The reason why she or he is a massage therapist and enjoys giving you a massage? Are you certain that every single touch is fully professional? Can you be sure your therapist is evaluating your body for professional reasons only? Do you know the reason for every massage stroke used. Are you sure your therapist is properly trained and won't harm you out of ignorance?

There are many questions arising when you begin to think about trust and massage therapy.

Not only are there the professional questions: Is the therapist properly qualified, does he know what he's doing, is he capable of treating what he claims to treat, is he highly skilled or just trying out new things?

But there's also the entire range of emotional questions: Can you trust the intent of the touch, are you being judged on your body, is there anything sexual going on, does the therapist really want what's best for me? Does he treat you fully, or just partially so you have to come back later? Will he maintain confidentiality? Can you trust his word or does he lie to you?

All these questions begin to show the importance of trusting your massage therapist. And it's not an easy thing to achieve this trust and know if the massage therapist is the right one for you and what you require.

In most cases the professional questions are fairly easy to answer. Therapists are educated from schools and are certified one way or another. The schools and certifications can be checked and verified.  Experience is important for massage therapy as the sensitive touch is developed via exposure to different massage situations. A therapist who has given 200 massages give a rather different massage from one who's done ten thousand massages. The former primarily go more by knowledge from theory, where the latter has true wisdom from theory and personal experiences. Finally, you can check what others say about your massage therapist. Are the clients happy with the massages, do they return repeatedly because it's so good, do they write positive reviews or just standard ones?

The emotional questions are much, much harder to answer, and eventually you'll have to trust your own impression and gut feeling there. Of course, the reputation of the massage therapist goes a long way, just as recommendations from friends and people you already trust.

But in the end, you have to know your massage therapist and understand his intent and motivations in order to be sure he won't laugh at an involuntarily erection, or stare at your breasts thinking you're his next conquest.

Trust also plays a role in how openly you can communicate with your therapist. When you fully trust him or her, you're much more likely to speak up about what's on  your mind in regards to the massage. You're more likely to give feedback that something is unpleasant and hurts, you're more likely to let the therapist know that what's happening is good. And you're much more likely to speak about what you're worried about and what might embarrass you; your looks, your hairy legs, worry about erection or what it might be.

Finally, trusting  your therapist fully allows you to relax and receive the massage with an open mind and heart. This in turn allows the therapist to work deeper into the muscles and give you a better massage because you're receptive and trust his trust completely. You don't worry about if it might hurt too much or if the touch might have a different meaning.


It's also important for the therapist to trust the client. This might sound a bit odd, but as a therapist we need to be able to trust that you will speak up when something hurts and that you will let us know if there's something we need to be aware of and pay attention to. We need to trust that you're not hiding something from us that could make us harm you during the massage.

Especially for women massaging male clients we need to trust that your for with the massage is purely massage and not anything sexual. And if an involuntarily erection happens, that it's by happenstance and not something that you desired or urged forward. We need to trust that you won't turn against us and harm us in any way, be it physically in the massage room or verbally by slander and lies.

Open and honest communication goes a long way to build trust and it clears out what misunderstandings might arise from perfectly normal situations. Talk to your therapist and don't be afraid to voice your concern and raise your questions as soon as they appear. In most cases our minds create demons where there are just small bugs and talking with your therapist will cast light on matters.

If your therapist isn't open to talk, as long as it's related to the massage and what happens during it, then you might consider finding yourself another therapist.

It is very important that you trust your therapist, and it's important that your therapist trust you in return. If you can't trust your therapist, then he's not the right therapist for you.

My massage stones

As I wrote last week in "The good, the bad and the ugly hot stone", it's important to choose the right stones for your hot stone massages. Therefore I think it's only appropriate that I show you the rocks and stones I use in my LaStone therapy, as well as my Creative Stone massages.

Please allow me to introduce my massage stones to you.

Image by Taunaki via Flickr

These are my twelve massage stones. I use them for general and overall massage of the entire body. They're smooth to the touch and keep their temperature for a nice long while. The tingsha have a diameter of 7 centimetres to give you a comparison.

There are six pairs ranging from large to medium in size (compared to my hand at least). Once you're used to the stones, it's easy to pick and feel which stone pairs with which stone. It's like they just fit together as a team and work in unison.

The larger stones I typically use on the legs and the back, while the two smaller pairs are used for the arms and hands. The more pointy the stones are, the more in depth and detailed work I can do.

I use my massage stones the most, along with my worker stones.

Image by Taunaki via Flickr

The worker stones are generally pointy so they can work deeply into the tissue. They can have odd shapes and you quickly find out which stone is best for what type of work. For instance, the long inward curved stones are great for shoulder work, where the more round ones are good for details on feet for instance.

There are small humps and points on the worker stones that allows for one stone to do several different types of work. Stretching, pressure, precise massage and so on.

It is important that they are comfortable in your hand and you can get a good grip around them.

Image by Taunaki via Flickr

The spinal layout stones are much more specific and great care has been taken to find the right stones for the right positions.

The layout on the photo is not how the spinal layout is.

When starting an Original Body LaStone treatment, the client lies face up and a bed of hot stones is arranged for them to lie on.

All the stones are paired, but otherwise different. Some round and lumpy, some oblong and flat and so on. Each stone has a precise position in the Spinal Layout, and it'll feel uncomfortable for the client to lie on a layout that's wrongly made.

In spite of how it sounds, it's surprisingly comfortable to lie on the hot stones. And also when a couple of cold stones are added for balance and treatment.

Image by Taunaki via Flickr

Special stones are used for face massage. The two largest stones in this picture are the face stones. They're very smooth and soft so they feel like baby skin. They're a pleasure to feel upon your face and are a special experience.

The eight smaller stones, again paired two and two, are used between the toes of the client. The smallest stones go between the smallest toes and the largest stones between the biggest toes.

Those flat warm stones between your toes feel very grounding and comfortable. They're placed after the feet have been massaged and represent a nice way to keep them warm while the rest of the body receives treatment and attention.

I also tend to use them during my Cocoonings, once the feet have been massaged. They sit between the toes while I smudge the client or massage hands or head.

Image by Taunaki via Flickr

Grandmother and grandfather are the largest stones in my collection. He weighs 1,41 kilo, while she weighs 680 grams.

He is a wonderful, heavy black stone that really helps with grounding. The time he keeps his heat is incredible. I've with great success also used the grandfather stone to massage the stomach. That extra layer between the client and my hands is a reassurance which allows the recipient to relax and receive the massage with a more open heart.

She is beautiful with her deep red colour and is a wonderful stone to lie on when your back is being massaged. You adjust it under your stomach to the most comfortable position and soon you'll only notice a deeply relaxing warmth and not at all that you're lying on a stone. I have people who when they turn around have completely forgotten about the grandmother stone.

The small greenish stone is the third-eye stone which is placed upon the brow during an Original Body massage. Often it's replaced with a crystal, depending on the client.

Image by Taunaki via Flickr

The Heart stone, made of sardonyx, is placed on the heart. I find it so beautiful and vibrant that I have a hard time giving a massage without it.

The four chakra stones are used during the Original Body treatment. They're placed along with the Grandfather stone, on the front of the body and the chakra points there.

They have a nice heavy weight and keep their heat for a long time. They're also wonderful stones to use during the Cocoonings.

Image by Taunaki via Flickr

The top stones are inguinal stones which are used in the chakra placement as well.

The middle pair are the hand-stones which the client holds during the Original Body and Cocooning. They are warm and safe, and it almost feels like you're holding someone in their hand. When you hold them, you're never alone even if the therapist walks away from you to get more stones from the heater.

The bottom stone is the pillow stone which is used along with the Spinal Layout. It goes just under your nape, lightly pressing against the edge of the skull.

When the weather is warm, it's often replaced by a cold stone to help cool the brain and leave the client feeling refreshed and alert after the massage.

Image by Taunaki via Flickr

Finally, meet the cold stones. These are made out of marble and are kept on ice until they're used.

While cold and ice sounds unpleasant, they bring in the balance in the LaStone. They help cool the body when it has become too warm from the hot stones, they help freshen you up so you're not all sluggish after a treatment, and then they're great therapeutically.

The hot and cold combined works like a pump for the soft tissue. The heat makes veins expand and muscles relax. The cold makes the veins and muscles contact, creating a pumping effect which increases circulation in that area.

Again, the cold stones are paired to work together. The different sizes are used at different places on the body. The big flat squarish stones are for under the shoulder blades for instance, while the oblong ones are often used for hands or stretching the nape. The bigger stones on large muscles.

Now you know my 56 hot stones, my 12 cold stones and my one heart stone. This is a basic set for the LaStone Original Body and Cocooning. I'm certain I over the coming years will collect more stones, both  hot and cold during my travels.

The good, the bad and the ugly hot stone

Image by Caro's Lines via Flickr

Not that any stone is ugly, but there are good and bad stones when it comes to Hot Stone Massage.

It matters what size and shape the stones used for a Hot Stone Massage are and what they're made from. Energy-wise it matters how the stones were harvested and how they've been treated. Once you've held good stones and worked with them, or received a massage by them, you'll begin to feel sorry and pity many of those stones you can find on eBay or see at alternative health fairs.


So what makes a good massage hot stone?

Basalt

The stone is made of basalt as it keeps the heat for a long time. But there are differences between types of basalt, all depending on how the lava the rocks are made from cooled.

Weight
Basically, the longer time it took for the lava to cool, the more dense the stone is and the better it can keep the heat. So the rocks created by lava running into the sea like on Hawaii contains a lot of air pockets inside, which doesn't keep heat well. It's easily felt as the rock is much lighter than the slow-cooling ones. The heavier a basalt stone, the more compact it is.

Colour
The colour is less important than the weight. Some stones have a reddish cast, while others have a green cast. This is merely a sign of what other minerals and metals are found in the stone. Though the darker a heavy stone is, the more likely it is to keep heat well.

Size
The purpose of the stone dictates its size. For overall massage, the stone should be the size of and fit your palm. It should be so large that you easily can cup it without curling  your fingers around the stone. This way the stone becomes an extension of your hand and you can hold it effortlessly.
For the stones that go between the toes you want small flat stones, while for chakra-work and passive stones you want them as large as your hand if not larger. The weight adds its own dimension, and the size allows for the stones to keep their heat longer.


Shape
Good massage stones are flat, but not thin, and have a oval shape.  They essentially have the shape of your palm without any rough edges.
For detailed in depth work, a stone with pointy ends serves best. This way you can work into depth and in detail. The stone should have a size and shape that allows you a good grip and ability to do different types of work. As you become familiar with using the stones, you'll quickly pick specific stones for specific work, but not be limited by them.
For the face a smaller flat and thin stone is useful.
The shape of the big chakra stones is less important, as long as they can rest on the body without rolling off.

In general, flat roundish shapes work the best for the massage stones, with the exception of pointy stones for deep tissue and detailed work.

Texture
Any stone that's used to massage with should be smooth and soft to the touch. Not polished to a sheen where it feels like it's been lacquered, but smooth so there are no rough edges or nicks which can scratch and hurt the recipient. The more sensitive the area massage is, the smoother the stone should be. The stone should feel pleasant and enjoyable to the touch.
For the stones which are used passively, such as chakra-stones, the texture is less important. Again, make sure there are no rough edges or nicks.


Harvesting
The best massage stones have been harvested with respect for nature and the place they've been taken from. Riverbeds and breaches are good places to find massage stones. The best stones have been fully shaped by nature over thousands of years. To take the last rough edges, they're sand-polished. You can easily find your own massage stones this way. Just make sure you respect nature and environment when you harvest them. Be critical, go for the stones that already have the right shape and size and weigh each one in your hand asking if it's the right stone for hot stone massage.

Unfortunately, there are big commercial interests in spas and wellness and as result you have many stone-producers who harvest stones in quarries, where-after they polish these stones in big machines, creating some very random shapes, even cubes. No need to say that these producers have no idea of how the stones will be used or what their purpose is, nor do they think about respecting nature in their production.

Maintenance
Massage stones should be treated properly, just like other tools you use when you massage. Between each client they must be sterilized, as I wrote about in Hygiene in Massage. Ideally, if there's time, the stones should be washed with soap after each massage, removing the oil and grease on the surface. At least, do this by the end of every day, while they're still warm after their last use. If they're not washed, a layer of oil and fat will build upon the surface of the stones, making them feel greasy, sticky and unpleasant to the touch.

The stones should be respected and thanked for their work. The Native Americans consider them living beings, the Stone People, who're here to help us in our journey and help us with our work. It is said that stones which have been mistreated will stop working. Either they won't keep their temperature no matter how long you heat them, or they'll be too hot and burn the clients.

There are many ways you can pay your respect to the stones. Allow them time to recharge in the sun and moon light, place them in patterns that has meaning to you. Play with them and become familiar with them, appreciate them and love them. They're the extension of your hands and a tool of healing. Treat them as you would yourself and your own hands.

Finally
So do yourself a favour and don't buy the first and cheapest set of hot stones you can find on eBay, but take your time to find a stone supplier who treats the stones with respect and provide stones of the right size and shapes. Or even better, go on a field-trip and harvest your own stones. This way you know they suit and fit you. You, your clients and the stones deserve it.

If you want a hot stone massage, take a moment to ask your therapist about his stones, or even better, see them and feel them before you decide upon the massage. Receiving a massage with good stones  instead of cheap stones, is like eating at a good restaurant compared to cheap fast food.

Guilt of enjoying touch

Guilt and shame over enjoying a massage is more common than one would expect. Many feel guilt over relaxing and doing nothing. Others feel guilt over pampering themselves. Some feel guilt over spending the money. And others again feel guilt over enjoying the physical touch and the sensuality of the massage.

Most of these things you can speak about with others. But enjoying touch is a taboo, sexualizing touch is considered a very bad thing. Hence the impossibility for most to speak about it with anyone.

It is completely natural to enjoy a touch. Touch is by nature pleasant and enjoyable. But in our society there's unfortunately often only two types of touch. The violent touch and the erotic touch. We have a tendency to think of any pleasant touch as sexual.

Guilt and shame then arises when something we know logically to be a pleasant non-sexual touch is felt as sexual. A massage of sensitive areas gives an erection and a coincidental brush against the private parts becomes sexually charged. This is also true for women, though much less visible than on men.

It's important to realize that the sexualizing of touch is a social conditioning. It's a result of how we were raised and the society we live in. It's something we've been taught from a young age and as result it's become a habit, part of who and what we are.

Much practice and concentration is needed to fully disassociate pleasant touch from sexual touch. We need to focus on conditioning ourselves to accept enjoyable touch as non-sexual. Once the association between pleasant touch and sexual touch has been broken, arousals during massages will practically disappear.

Some find it necessary to masturbate after receiving a massage as the touch and physical closeness creates an arousal. Allowing for this need to be sated can have the unfortunate side-effect of even more strongly associate massage and touch with sexual pleasure. This will in return intensify the bodily reactions during a massage, which can be embarrassing for both therapist and client.

The answer to the question on how to break this social conditioning is rather simple. You need to keep in mind that there's nothing wrong in enjoying a massage, nor is there anything wrong in arousal during different situations. Arousal happens to us all several times a day in many different situations. So guilt and shame are unfounded. They only serve to make the situation even harder to deal with.

In order to break the conditioning, it's important to disassociate touch and sexual pleasure. So instead of thinking about the nice massage while masturbating, use another fantasy or scenery instead. Or find pleasure with your lover and do not think of the massage which brought the arousal. It is a bit in the same league as the saying "Gather appetite out, eat at home." We receive sexual inspiration from many different sources.

It is important that it's not the massage that's used as inspiration during masturbation, but something completely unrelated. This way you avoid conditioning yourself to even further associate pleasant touch with sexual touch. The intent of receiving the massage should not become sexually charged. The intent of a massage should be to relax and let go, enjoying touch without expecting anything sexual to happen.

Changing conditionings are difficult, habits can be very hard to break. It will take conscious effort to succeed, and for some obtaining help and guidance from a professional might be what will make the real difference. Do keep in mind though, the conditioning is not a sickness or abnormality. It's a natural part of our society and upbringing.