It is the thoughts, the stories, which keep our emotions alive.
Emotions are the body’s response to thoughts. It is our thoughts about things which get our emotions going, in particular when we tell ourselves negative self-stories.
If we are capable of purely sensing and observing our feelings, without thoughts entering, then the feeling will quickly pass.
When thoughts enter they enhance the emotion, which in return strengthens the thoughts and we enter a spiral of reinforcing actions where it gets worse and worse.
We are all responsible for our own feelings and thoughts. Nobody can make us feel anything, if we don’t allow it. This is one of the areas in which Marshall Rosenberg did a lot of work with his Non-violent Communication.
Own your thoughts and emotions, own everything that takes place inside you. It is yours, and only yours. Only you can know precisely what is going on, and what you are feeling and thinking. Nobody can know it, feel it or think it.
By taking responsibility for our own emotions and thoughts, we’ll stop blaming others and we will stand stronger. We take back power and control of ourselves, and the result is that others can’t influence nor control us.
This of course takes a good amount of practice and we can never become perfect. So sometimes we will fail. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but something that can be used as an opportunity to explore and learn new things about ourselves.